If a Suit Affecting the Parent-Child Relationship or a Divorce with children seems likely to turn into a contentious custody battle, what can fathers do to protect and prepare themselves? Read on to learn more.
- Tip #1: Don’t Believe Myths
Our first tip is to drown out the noise. There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding lawsuits involving child custody disputes. A common myth is that mothers always automatically get sole custody and fathers have no rights. This is plainly untrue. In the vast majority of child custody disputes, the court will appoint both parents joint managing conservators. Both parents receive rights and duties (but, keep in mind that how rights and duties are divided depends on each case). Both parents receive designated times for possession of and access to the child. Another common myth is that the judge is always going to side with the child’s mother. In reality, the overarching consideration for a judge in a child custody case is the best interest of the child. The best interest of the child is completely dependent on the facts of each case. A good lawyer will be able to frame your case in the most compelling way possible for the court and allow you to tell your story.
- Tip #2: Consult with an Attorney
Related to our first tip to avoid false information, you should consult with an attorney who specializes in family law. Many attorneys provide initial consultations so that you may meet with them, tell them about your case, and receive some basic answers and information. While you can represent yourself in a child custody battle, we would encourage you to hire an attorney. It is especially not advisable to represent yourself if your co-parent or spouse has hired an attorney. An attorney can help make sure that you properly plead (that is, formally ask the court) for what you want at the end of your case. They can also help you generally navigate the process and answer any questions that you have along the way. If you cannot afford an attorney, you should consider educating yourself about the legal process in a child custody battle as much as possible. Check out our resources page here: https://www.familylawyerkaty.com/resources/
- Tip #3: Abide by Injunctions and Temporary Orders
Once your case has been filed, it is important to abide by any injunctions that the judge has ordered and any Temporary Orders that the judge has signed. Injunctions are court orders that order a person to do or refrain from doing a specific action. In some counties, the judges have issued Standing Orders (injunctions) that come into play as soon as the case is filed and last until the case ends. In other counties, you have to request that the standard injunctions apply. Some examples of common injunctions in a child custody battle are as follows: neither party can secret or hide the child from the other party; neither party can threaten the other; and neither party can make disparaging remarks about the other party in front of the child. It is exceedingly important to abide by any injunctions that have been ordered in your case. In addition, you should follow any Temporary Orders signed by the judge in your case exactly. Temporary Orders are orders from the judge that make a plan and lay ground rules until your case comes to final orders. Temporary Orders will contain orders for conservatorship (decision-making authority for your child), possession and access (physical presence of the child), and child support. For example, if you are ordered to pay child support, you must do so exactly as you are ordered to in the Temporary Orders. Otherwise, you could be subject to an enforcement action. Making sure to abide by all injunctions and any Temporary Orders in your case protects you from an enforcement action (which can carry criminal penalties) and shows the judge your willingness to come to a resolution and follow instructions.
- Tip #4: Be an Active Parent
If you have separated from your spouse or co-parent, this might be the first time that you are responsible for your child by yourself during your possession time. It is important to build a strong relationship with your child. Consider finding activities that you and your child like to do together. Be sure to keep an open dialogue with your child. They might have some strong emotions during your case; it is important to allow them the space for all the things they might be feeling. Do not talk about the case with your child. You also might need to learn some parenting skills that you had not previously been in charge of before your case began. Be sure to attend school events and extracurricular activities. Ensuring that you are actively parenting, even if you had not been before the case began, is essential for many reasons. Not only does it show the court your interest and desire to be an involved parent, but it also sets you up for successful parenting after your case ends.
- Tip #5: Treat Your Child’s Other Parent with Respect
It is important to treat your child’s other parent with respect. First, maintaining a respectful relationship with your child’s other parent is in your child’s best interest. This is what we tell clients who are going through a divorce: your relationship with your spouse is separate from the child issues in your case. Someone can be a bad marriage partner but a really great parent. You have to work with your co-parent, so work to maintain as cordial and respectful a relationship you can. From a more strategic perspective, should any of your communications (text messages, emails, messages on a parenting application) be presented in court, you want to come off as respectful, clear, and communicative as possible to the judge. Treat every message you exchange with your co-parent as if you were writing it for the judge to see. This trick can help you avoid sending messages which might damage your case. Even if your co-parent escalates a conversation, do not engage. Remain calm and respectful, and be sure to keep the conversation focused on what child issue you are discussing with your co-parent. There is no reason to discuss anything else besides your child with them. Lastly, treating your co-parent with respect can keep your case calmer. A calmer case is more likely to settle quickly rather than go all the way to a final (and often contentious) trial.
- Tip #6: Have Someone to Lean On
A child custody battle can be exhausting, frustrating, and emotional. Be sure to surround yourself with as much support as you can. You need someone you can talk to, whether that be a friend, family member, or therapist. You need friends and family around you to help you navigate the changes to your life that a child custody battle will bring. In addition, these people can make potentially good witnesses, should you need them for a hearing or final trial. They would testify to your parenting and involvement with your child, based on their observations of you and your child.
To learn more about navigating a child custody battle, consult with one of our attorneys.