There are so many things for you to consider, decide, and process while going through a divorce. While you are processing everything, so are your children. What can you do to support your children as much as possible while navigating the divorce process? Read on for tips from our expert legal team.
- Tip Number 1: Have an Open Ear
However you decide to tell your children that you and your spouse are going through a divorce, be sure to let your kids know that you are available to talk. Your kids might not want to talk at all when you first tell them about the divorce — and that’s okay. Understand that they might need time to begin processing this change, and just because they do not want to talk about it immediately does not mean that they will not want to talk about it at some later time. If and when your children decide they want to talk, be prepared for your kids to have numerous questions. You should not divulge too much information about what is happening in the divorce case to your children, especially if your case is very contested. It would be harmful to your kids to burden them with all of the details or your personal feelings about your spouse. Have an open ear so your children can share their thoughts and questions, but do not make your children be your open ear.
- Tip Number 2: Exercise Patience and Empathy
A divorce will not only drastically change your life, it will also drastically change your children’s lives. For example, your kids will have to navigate spending nights in different homes. This will require them to remember to bring items back and forth between your house and your co-parent’s house. Inevitably, they are going to forget something at one parent’s house at some point. Exercise patience when they do; remind them to always double check their bags to make sure they have all their items but ask what you can do to help. For example, you could help them make a list of everything they need so they can check all items off of it before they leave one parent’s house. Be empathetic while your kids navigate these changes. For example, your children might not understand why you and your co-parent do not want to spend the Christmas holidays together as you always have. Be understanding and empathetic about the fact that Christmas (and all holidays) will look different for your kids. Instead of letting your anger rise or your frustration show, take a deep breath and remember that your kids are just kids and need extra grace and compassion during this time.
- Tip Number 3: Watch Out for Behavior Changes in Your Children
Be prepared for the fact that your children might display different behaviors or experience a range of emotions while the divorce progresses. It is common for kids to experience guilt and feel like they did something to cause their parents to get divorced. Re-enforce that this is untrue, and they have done nothing wrong. Changes in your children’s routine (which are inevitable in a divorce) can cause anxiety for your kids. One way to help your child if they are experiencing anxiety is to help make it clear what they can expect. For example, explain the possession schedule to them and create a calendar they can look at so they know where they will be staying over the next few weeks. Children might act out more. To combat this, try to lay out rules and structure with your co-parent that will apply in both your houses. You may notice that your kids are withdrawn or have trouble focusing at school. Try to maintain normalcy in their extracurricular activity schedules and homework routines to keep them on track. In addition, you and your co-parent should let your children’s teachers know about the divorce. If your children’s behavior changes drastically, consider having your child see a counselor or therapist to help them navigate this time.
- Tip Number 4: Focus on Co-Parenting
The more that you can effectively co-parent, the better. Keep in mind that your relationship with your spouse needs to remain separate from your child’s relationship with their other parent. Of course, we understand that this is easier said than done. But, aim to keep things with your spouse as civil as possible and focus on the fact that you and your co-parent want what is best for your child. Compromise when you can, be understanding, and try to present a united front for your children.
- Tip Number 5: Allow All Emotions
Your children might experience a range of emotions during this time. Remember, all emotions are okay emotions. Do not try to cheer them up or snap them out of it. Instead, be open to understanding how they are feeling, even if it is upsetting to you. Acknowledge their feelings, assure them it is okay to feel this way, and ask if they would like to share anything more. Remember that it is not your child’s job to make you feel better.
When you are going through a divorce, there are so many things to worry about. What will you do with your property? What possession schedule will you and your co-parent agree to? Will you have to go to a final trial? It can be overwhelming. Remember, your children might be overwhelmed as well. These tips can be a starting place for you to help your children navigate this difficult time as easily possible. For more help in the divorce process, consult with one of our knowledgeable and trusted divorce attorneys.