If you are a woman considering a divorce or already in the divorce process, you might be wondering what some of the effects of a divorce may be on you. Below are some impacts we’ve seen in our practice on women during and after a divorce, along with some tips on how to deal with the effect of these on your life:
- An Increase in Financial Stress
Many women face the task of figuring out how to live within their income during or after a divorce. This is especially stressful for women who did not work for some or all of the marriage and now must figure out how to not only work but also how to pay for childcare.
Tip: Create a budget and plan either with or without an expert. This might mean sitting down and really thinking about what expenses you actually need and what might be better for your budget to let go. Your attorney or a certified divorce financial expert (CDFE) might help you figure out from an outside perspective how to overcome some of this stress.
- Learning to Parent Alone
Although many women find themselves doing much more than their male spouses in a marriage when it comes to the children, taking care of the children completely alone after separating from your spouse may still be incredibly difficult. This might mean finding childcare when you did not need it before, figuring out pick-ups and drop-offs from daycare or school during your possession time, and handling the everyday stresses of parenting without any other adult support.
Tip: Lean on others and ask for help if necessary. Although many women feel as if they must be the one to do everything for their children, it is not to the children’s benefit or yours to exceed your limitations for parenting. If you have friends or family that can help sometimes or are able to pay for extra help—even for a few hours a week—taking the opportunity to ask for their help will help balance you as you navigate parenting alone.
- Neglecting Self-Care
Along with parenting alone and financial stress, other stresses can sometimes cause women going through a divorce to put their work and/or children before themselves. Remember: self-care for women does not always mean a face mask and a bath. Sometimes it can mean actually taking time for yourself to do things that will benefit you such as taking a walk, talking to a friend on the phone, reading, or spending time with someone you enjoy.
Tip: Carve out some time each day or week to do the things you’ve been neglecting to do for yourself. Start with making a list of things that you might be ignoring or putting on the backburner for the rest of your life and determine how to work these things into your daily or weekly routine.
- Learning How to Co-Parent
If your divorce is highly contested and you are having to deal with the effects of adultery, disparity in finances, or other issues, putting the feelings from those issues aside to co-parent can be incredibly difficult.
Tip: Focus on your children, not your spouse/ex-spouse. It is easy in an emotionally turbulent divorce to want to punish the other parent but using your children to do so will only hurt the children. Thus, focusing on what your children need—whether its time with you or the other parent, therapy, etc—will help lessen the impact of a divorce on the children. Even if the other parent is not doing the same, your actions will hopefully counter any negative impact on the children you cannot control.
- Dealing with Social Stigmas
Sometimes women feel the impact of being divorced more than divorced men in social settings. It’s common for women to lose their support system, face cultural stigmas, and feel as if they cannot socialize after a divorce.
Tip: You are more than a “divorced woman” so do not let the divorce define you. Find other identities that you can lean into when you feel the stigma of being divorced such as being a good friend, employee, family member, or mother.
If you are worried about the impact a divorce is having on you as a woman, speak to a professional, seek help and support, and try and remember that many of the above impacts might be temporary issues. If you have questions about your legal rights during a divorce, contact our team at Hunt Law Firm to speak to an experienced divorce attorney.