Divorcing one’s spouse is never easy, but it can be especially hard for stay-at-home moms. Stay-at-home moms dedicate their lives to taking care of their family and forego working outside the home. This means that stay-at-home moms can face unique issues when going through a divorce that parents who work outside the home during the marriage may not face. This blog will address the unique issues stay-at-home moms face during a divorce and provide tips for navigating these issues.
Home: Where am I Going to Live with My Children?
Temporary Orders
Many mothers worry about where they are going to live with their children during and after a divorce. A stay-at-home mom who wants to stay in the marital residence during the divorce may want to ask for what is called temporary orders. Temporary orders are put in place to control how the parties will deal with their property and children during the divorce. In the temporary orders, the mother can request that the court order her to have the exclusive right to stay in the marital residence while the divorce is pending. This means that the other parent would need to vacate the marital residence within a certain time following the court’s order. Oftentimes, this right is accompanied with injunctions that make it so neither parent can shut off the water, electricity, or other home utilities during the divorce.
The stay-at-home mom may get to stay in the marital residence, but who pays for all the expenses? The mother can also request that the court order the other parent to pay the mortgage and all the utilities for the marital residence during the divorce. Before going to the temporary orders hearing, the mother’s attorney will ask her to put together what is called a Financial Information Statement or FIS. The FIS will show the mother’s income and her monthly expenses. For a stay-at-home mom, the income would likely be zero and the expenses would include the mortgage, utilities, groceries, medical costs, and all other monthly expenses. The mother’s attorney will then use the FIS during the temporary orders hearing to show how the mother requires ongoing financial support from the other parent who works outside the home.
It is important for a stay-at-home mom to discuss her different legal options with an attorney. While the mom might receive certain benefits from attending a temporary orders hearing, as described above, a temporary orders hearing is still an evidentiary hearing that oftentimes requires significant preparation. Attending a temporary orders hearing, therefore, comes with a cost. A stay-at-home mom should weigh the pros and cons with going forward for temporary orders with her attorney.
Final Divorce
While a court may order the other party to cover housing expenses during the divorce, stay-at-home moms should remember that the other party will not continue to cover their expenses indefinitely. By staying in the home on a temporary basis, this provides the stay-at-home mom some additional time to begin to look for employment. It is important that the stay-at-home mother begins to look for employment during the divorce.
Stay-at-home moms who want to continue living in the marital residence after the divorce will need to be awarded the home on a final basis in what is called the Final Decree of Divorce. A Final Decree of Divorce is the parties’ final order that outlines how property will be divided after the divorce.
Oftentimes, the stay-at-home mom would need to refinance the home in order to remove the other party’s name from the residence. Courts will not force people to refinance because the court has no power over whether financial institutions permit a person to refinance their home. Additionally, a stay-at-home mom would need to figure out how to pay for the mortgage on her own. A court will not order the other parent to continue paying the stay-at-home mother’s mortgage following a divorce. For these reasons, it might make more sense for the parties to sell their home and divide the proceeds. Depending on how much principal the parties have in the home, a stay-at-home mom could walk away from the sale of the marital residence with the additional financial resources that she needs while she begins to build up her finances following the divorce. Again, a stay-at-home mom should consult with an experienced divorce attorney and financial advisor who can guide the mom on what would be best for her specific situation.
Child Support
The most common outcome in a divorce is that one parent has what is called a Standard Possession Order, more oftentimes referred to as an SPO. An SPO outlines a parent’s possession schedule with the child. The other parent has the child at all other times not designated for the parent under the SPO. We often call this parent the “primary parent.” The parent who has the SPO will most likely be ordered to pay child support to the other parent.
If a stay-at-home mom is named the primary parent, she can use the child support they receive from the other parent to help offset some of the expenses they incur from taking care of their children. However, it is important to remember that child support may not cover all the expenses the children and mom are accustomed to. For example, a stay-at-home mom and her children might have been accustomed to going out to expensive dinners, traveling often, or otherwise living a lifestyle that child support is not designed to accommodate. Child support is not meant to allow stay-at-home moms and her children to continue to live a more lavish lifestyle. Rather, child support is designed to cover the more basic needs a child has, such as food, housing, and clothing.
Spousal Support
In Texas, spousal support is referred to as spousal maintenance. Unlike some other states, it is difficult to get maintenance following a divorce in Texas save and except special circumstances. Texas courts expect stay-at-home moms to get back into the workforce. This can be hard on stay-at-home moms because they are no longer able to care for their children in the same way as before because they are now working outside the home.
In addition to other factors, the stay-at-home mom would need to prove to the court that she is unable to meet her basic minimum needs, such as housing, food, and clothing. Even if a stay-at-home mom qualifies for maintenance, Texas courts would likely not order the other party to pay maintenance for a long period of time and the amount of money would only cover the mom’s “basic minimum needs”. Therefore, a stay-at-home mom would inevitably need to secure a job to have the financial resources to care for herself.
Emotions Surrounding Getting a Divorce
Every person going through a divorce has a different experience. Some people have accepted that their relationship should come to an end and just want to get through the divorce. Other people really struggle to cope emotionally, mentally, and financially with separating from their partner. No matter how you feel about your divorce, your feelings are valid and it is understandable to have a difficult time getting a divorce.
Oftentimes, stay-at-home moms feel a lot of stress when going through a divorce due to their finances. Stay-at-home moms feel especially vulnerable when it comes to finances because they have not been receiving consistent income from outside the home during the marriage. It is not uncommon for stay-at-home moms to postpone getting a divorce or deciding against getting a divorce altogether because they are worried about how they will financially support themselves and their children after a divorce.
No one can tell someone else what is the best decision for them. Each person has to make their own decisions in life, especially when the decision is as important as whether or not to get a divorce. However, a stay-at-home mom needs to weigh the pros and cons of getting a divorce if she is the one deciding whether or not to get the divorce.
Stay-at-home moms have to come to terms with the fact that their lives will likely need to change. They will need to get a job and focus more on finances than they might have done during their marriage. This also means the children will need to adjust to not always having their mother present. While it might be a difficult transition at first, stay-at-home moms get divorces, start new jobs, and help their children transition to this new stage of life all the time so it is possible.
If you are a stay-at-home mom, we recommend reaching out to an experienced family law attorney if you have been served with divorce papers or if you are thinking of filing for a divorce. You will want a knowledgeable attorney to guide you through each step of the divorce process. Please reach out to us at Hunt Law Firm if you need any assistance with your divorce matter because we understand how difficult it can be for stay-at-home moms to get a divorce. We are here ready to support you through the process.